excerpt from 'Starting from Victoria' pp. 55-57 (320 words)

excerpt from 'Starting from Victoria' pp. 55-57 (320 words)

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Starting from Victoria

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At another West End church where I was deputising at a wedding, the minister who gave the address was very long winded and confidential. No one but the happy couple could hear a word […] I must explain that most of the choirmen were in jobs that required consideration. They had to find an excuse for taking an hour and a half or two hours off for lunch. On this occasion, one of the chaps was very fidgety and eventually decided to go before the service ended, in case he got the sack […] [There were two ways to exit the church] and so our impatient friend obviously chose the less obtrusive way, via the organ. The organist was playing some soft music whilst the minister continued his confidential chat. The choirman slipped over a rail in front of the organ, and the back of his surplice went clean over the organist’s head. He could not see a darned thing. The organ gave vent to a wail of anguish like wounded bagpipes and, as for the organist […] he growled like a trapped lion, “what the hell are you doing you clumsy ___”. 



The same gentleman had the habit of counting the choir fees during the prayer and dropping half-crowns between the organ pedals. He invariably expressed in annoyance with a resonant “Damn” and if he pushed down one of the organ pedals whilst retrieving a piece of silver, the organ responded with a deep blast.  

Just one more incident about this gentleman. The Hallelujuh Chorus was being performed and all went well until the final Amen. As most of you know there is a bar of silence preceding this, but on this occasion, on the third beat a bass roared “Ah”. Came the organist’s voice for all to hear, “You  b_ _ r” and then the final Amen.

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excerpt from 'Starting from Victoria' pp. 55-57 (320 words)


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